Just kidding....???

...Only there are some things we can forget...like rich, athetic, the rest just has to stay as a demand of quality!!

Heute war nett. I went to botanical garden after mass, and stayed with Veronica, making us company. I had chance to read some articles and found new interesting info. I even found some facts on Wal Mart supporting Kyoto Protocol!!!

Days here are strange...cloudy, cold, windy and some sun shines some times. The end of the day was un-expected! Early morning found Edith Piaf CD (a cheap version) and couldn't resist it. So I ended drinking a warm herbal tee, while watching the night come over...and nice lotus smell burning. It was like a small catharsis.

Time to sleep now...tomorrow we have to fight again with arcGis and those large maps. Buenas noches dulce chikito bonito.!!

Geneve to Eberswalde

A small round trip and after 12 days I’m back at “home”. It was great to see the rest of my group again, especially those crazy latinos that make me laugh/smile with their jokes, dreams and hopes. I really missed to speak in Spanish, joke like we do and say salud!!

First stop was Geneve. Now I’m more convinced that these ppl live in such an ideal world (they think they are an island) that reality out of their rich life style must be a joke or a lie. I remember how Martin, a Basel guy couldn’t understand what I meant by poverty in a city 30 minutes close to my house. Of course is quite interesting the way they have overcome their differences and build something stable and with order. I totally wish we could have that kind of democracy. While going to Feldafing, a boom boom tres tres schick girl hope in until Bern. I was watching her and wondering if that’s the kind of girl my actual partner will end up someday with (???). I would totally feel sorry, for external masks always while years go by.

Everyday in Feldafing was a small party by nights. Beginning I had no clue what could I develop for transfer project. So at nights it was quite relaxing just to get together and share our experiences these past 2 months. Most of them are changing places for this second part. I’m a bit nervous, because I have to prepare a paper/report on my work, as well as to make some new maps. I really have to make efficient my time in Eberswalde in order to accomplish all that I want and committed to. A thing to remember…those red sandals Eric was wearing…a german brand he highly recommends. Shall we look for it in Berlin?

One day, we left with Gisell to Salzburg, Mozart’s city. A small quite charming place. One visit day is more than enough. Unless you want to take the Sound of music Tour. I liked very much that mix of old churches and mountains. Right now, most of Europe is quite beautiful, full of flowers and colors.

NK is writing me, when ever he has a chance. I value each note very much, and have found that they are really helpful also to keep me calm. Now we are 8 weekends away from Tempe….in between there are a lot of small trips, visits and work! I’m gonna survive.

What if...?

The moon was made of cheese, cows could fly...or I could stop being myself?

Some times I have the feeling I could behave like a "I don´t give a $%°!" girl. I just could go out and drink with my friends when ever I feel lonly, I could go shopping to keep me busy. I could? Some how I didn´t grow up like that...and so I have problems sometimes when ever I care about someone. Of course is a matter of not loosing patience and try to wait the best way.

But some times...there are moments when you really need to feel, hear, know that you are not going alone to that crazy trip called relationship. I´m waiting here, trying to build up my patience day by day, and hopefully, by Octuber I will have 10 grams more of patience (not weight!!). Until then, I hope my gardner won´t forget to put some water on my ground...so I can keep green.

If you forget me

I want you to know one thing. You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window, if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log, everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me. Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little. If suddenly you forget me do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you. If you think it long and mad, the wind of banners that passes through my life, and you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots, remember that on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land. But if each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness, if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me, ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated, in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine. Pablo Neruda

Hasta pronto Vabe!

My visit is almost over. Dave was busy most of time with his work, but still managed to show me parts of Geneve and we could share some night moments in his office, talking in his relax moments, or listening Elton John. Today I went sola to take a big walk...there is a special part of this city, where 2 rivers join. My objective was Pont du Junction. Some how I ended in a different one the first time. After 1 hour walking, I finally arrived to this place. It's like magic to see 2 rivers join...one with cristal water and the other with turbid water. The union of two different things, that after some kilometers becomes just one...the Rhone.

While there, watching Geneve I had a time to think. Will my life some day join somebody elses? Is it so easy to loose me when I'm left alone? I couldn't help to get sad. Lucky me this time I had Vabe to hold me and push me back to life. I want to follow his advice...no more thinking, and most important...no more drawing conclusions. Life is like that, complicated and most of times we don't get it.... why these things happen.

I leave Geneve, clearly the less swiss city from Switzerland. Crowded of imigrants and where I heard more than once the camba or bolivian accent. I even saw saltenias sold somewhere. A small city, where rich arabs/iranians come to buy everything they can during summer. City with charming places, that can transport you to far away places...with out leaving its urban sounds. Something I really have to point out...I like the spirit of saying Bon Jour! even at the elevators...ppl will say hi to you. Something that I completly miss in cold Germany. Time to sleep, and try to forget...that i'm forgetable.

Espero Vabe, mi tinkazo sea cierto...y pronto ya no estes solito...nunca mas, y tu hermana vea que no eres un callo, si no un ser lleno de amor por compartir con esa novia que espera paciente tu regrso. Ojala sepa ella, lo afortunada que es...yo se que vos ya te sientes afortunado con ella :)

You Don't Understand Me

I´m finally here in Geneve. So far...it´s nice to get to know this new city in my list. I´m glad I had a chance to visit D in his natural environment. Sharing some talks, I´ve discover that distance will turn out to be harder, since NK is so calm down about not having communication. I wonder...after this "silence" time, will we have a fluent conversation later?

At breakfast/lunch, we had a session of Roxette....one song fits just perfect for this "weird" moment. Will he understand that I need to keep the communication, not for control...but to keep the flow of our relation?

We said "Goodnight" but the silence was so thick
you could cut it with a knife.
We've hit the wall again and there's nothin' I can do.
You're the one, yea, I've put all my trust in your hands.
C'mon and look in my eyes, here I am, here I am

You don't understand me, my baby.
You don't seem to know that I need you so much.
You don't understand me, my feelings,
the reason I'm breathin', my love

The mornin' comes and you're reaching out for me
just like everything's the same
and I let myself believe things are gonna change.
When you kiss my mouth and you hold my body close,
do you wonder who's inside?
Maybe there's no way we could feel each other's pain.
Tell me why it gets harder to know where I stand.
I guess loneliness found a new friend, here I am

You don't understand me...

You don't seem to get me, my baby.
You don't really see that I live for your touch.
You don't understand me, my dreams or the things I believe in, my love.
You don't understand me. You don't understand me. Understand me.

p-UAG!

It's going to be 2 weeks since I've posted a mail (actually TWO!) to my University - Universidad Autonoma de Guadalajara, Mexico, requesting some information on my grades and if they have any agreement with a certain university I'm interested on. So far, no answer...

Seems not too many things have changed since my last time there. Incompetence is again the main subject. I will have to ask some help from my brother. I hope I could get some positive news by the end of August. I need it, in order to proceed with future steps.

After a hot day, a bad night...now I have to end with cleaning day. This in effect is not the best day so far...in a while. I'm missing a lot NK and ironic, but since tomorrow I'll have the hardest part...with possible 0 communication. Hope some swiss air and the funny mood of Vabe will turn me appart from me and my mind.

To be a mom or not....

8 weekends more to go. This one I went to Postdam again, to scape from my lonly life in Eberswalde and trying to avoid stupid long hours thinking if i'm being missed or not. As usuall, Stefi (my german "sister") was totally nice and generous with me. We celebrated her dad's birthday with plenty sun and too much meat.

I had a lot of time with little Amelie...she is now 4 months, more charming and fun to play with. She is easy to carry, not like Lucia or Sebastian who were heavyer and bigger. But spending so much time with little Amelie, made me wonder so many things...like if I will ever be a real mom. Sure it's not easy to bring babies in this world...but, when u see those little eyes, eager to discover and enjoy all that is around, I felt a strange thing. It's a dream, to show your child things u have seen, the clouds moving in the sky, water flowing in rivers, birds flying, flowers, colors...etc. So much u want to show to your child. It was a mix of feelings. Some times I see that day may never come...and some days, I still keep inside me a small hope.

Hope, who ever said that hope is the last thing to die?

Learn to live with oneself

We could live for ever, but if we don't learn to understand and tolerate ourselves...we are doomed. That was my important tip from Kino Tag the other day. After so many days, finally I made my self happy watching the 3rd part of Pirates of the Caribbean. It was not as good as I would expect it, but I just needed to see the end of the story. Of course there were times I was not alone...many things in this movie relate to my actual status of life.

On the other side of the mirror...for the 2nd time I tried to talk to one person who somehow pointed me the correct way to follow...which again lead me where I am now. But, nope...some times it's impossible to talk with those who pretend their life is a mistery. Like a paradox...they reveal their lifes in one panic attack when you mention some key words. Psssss, ppl, ppl. There are some who need to say one thing 1000 times to believe it at least once. Hope that trick can work for them.

As for me...finally I had a really interesting day, despite they want to move me to a Pension for the last 14 days here. Crazy & lazy ppl! why they didn't make the contract until September...BLE! again to pack and un pack...Bb's hope at least with u I can feel at home again, for September will be just a gipsy month again. Night!

Tren al sur

After almost 9 hours of traveling by train just to get home and have some sleep before a crazy/busy/productive/creative week...I just have to confirm that keeping busy my mind in different activities is giving good results.

This weekend we were at Bayrische Wald..again south germany, border to Czech Republic (the Bohemish region). This is the first national park Germany had, and so it is part of the biggest portion of forest under "strict" protection. This is at least what they say. The Park itself is really beautiful, it has lots of facilities and things to do. Great was to have ppl I already knew and new friendly ppl like the MBA group. So we spend the time talking, laughing and enjoying the oppening of many traditional houses from Mongolia (that salty tee tastes weird), Venezuela (Yeay to the peace pinaple!!), Vietnam (delicious schrimp rolls), Brazil (samba is possible), Chile (Mate & Choclo), USA (under construction) and of course the music. It's always nice to dance in the forest with mosquitoes and bugs.

Eventhough I miss NK, I'm trying to do live all this moments...as if he was here..and somehow he is here :)

Big treasures... undercover

The time when I understood who was God in my life was when I had about 17 or 18 years. The time to start really growing up, was when I left to Mexico for 5 years. The time to have a job came short after. In between, the time to travel was always there.

For many years I kept on wondering...when that magic moment was going to arrive. Around 2 months ago, after a long time, where I kept someone waiting, finally I gave up just to turn around a find this person still there...ready to jump down the hill with me. While traveling back home, I kept on asking my self....is this it? is it my time now? finally? Seems like this might be it...my time to enjoy. Enjoy this life not alone...but with somebody.

And now it's time for little Tillman to start walking, talking and...having pain with those teeth!. My last weekend in Dresden showed me a "whole new world" and has put in my head a fix idea...OCTUBER! and there I walk to. :)