25 February 2011

Defeated..... NOT!!

I found the courage and the day. I'm no longer lost and even less lost in confusion. Ironically, I do recognize I'm not nearly as close as I would like to have solutions or answers in my head. Still, these two things are now over.

I started this blog almost 7 years ago, after my heart was broken. Ever since then, most of the posts made reference to my ups and downs in life, usually linked to a love life I tend to NOT have. For some women, I'm sort of a role model as I've done what "I wanted" and have gone wherever the wind carried me. Honestly? I never planned all this, it just happened. I did wish to travel, but who would have thought I was going to go so far in the most unexpected ways.

Seven is the perfect number, and it is time to move on. In the middle of some tears and melancholy days, I've found once more the source that has always shine light over me. The same light, that sheltered me so many times when I was alone and lost in confusion. It is transition time again, finishing my thesis and have to start to pack again.

I'm still lost in some issues. Lost in a deep sea of questions, ideas, dreams, hopes and wishes. But not confused. I'm lost to all those lonely nights wishing the impossible, lost to those persons who reject me for my faith, lost to the guys who think they don't deserve my love and company, lost to the world full of lies and created stories. Lost to the fake causes that claim to be for the better good of all. Lost to whomever tries to lie cheat or play with me.

For years, I've lost my life to my desires, my whims, my fragile emotions and sand dreams. It seemed good and correct for so many years. I had to fall down and deep to find out that if I had keep in that track I would have lost my first and most treasured gift.... life.

I’ve come to this life, not to suffer, not to slave myself into the world. But I’ve come to do my creators will. I may die and never understand what exactly that was, but life and years are giving me examples that through my life and in my small size, I’ve touched peoples’ life. It is by grace I have done this, and it is been done when I have abandoned my life into His hands.

So why keep wondering so many unspoken questions and doubts, why try to keep my self in this confusion? I guess it was self-pity or just a way to hide from my real call. Enough!

In God’s love, I’ve been proved that only being humble and meek is when my life has been more useful to others and made me happy. Humble, patient, meek and ready to love. For this love is not mine or is not borne in my guts. It is granted and has to flow free as it has been flowing into me. No more lost in confusion, from this day on, I’m following my Love.