To be a mom or not....

8 weekends more to go. This one I went to Postdam again, to scape from my lonly life in Eberswalde and trying to avoid stupid long hours thinking if i'm being missed or not. As usuall, Stefi (my german "sister") was totally nice and generous with me. We celebrated her dad's birthday with plenty sun and too much meat.

I had a lot of time with little Amelie...she is now 4 months, more charming and fun to play with. She is easy to carry, not like Lucia or Sebastian who were heavyer and bigger. But spending so much time with little Amelie, made me wonder so many things...like if I will ever be a real mom. Sure it's not easy to bring babies in this world...but, when u see those little eyes, eager to discover and enjoy all that is around, I felt a strange thing. It's a dream, to show your child things u have seen, the clouds moving in the sky, water flowing in rivers, birds flying, flowers, colors...etc. So much u want to show to your child. It was a mix of feelings. Some times I see that day may never come...and some days, I still keep inside me a small hope.

Hope, who ever said that hope is the last thing to die?