12 August 2009

Moving forward

A new start, a new place, a new situation…new, new, new. I was sad to leave my home again, after all the good company of friends and family is always refreshing. I was eager to come back; I had something still to conclude. I also had to spend time and get to know my nephews Jorge and Pablo. It was a nice time; somehow God gives me kids in different ways to be around me.
I couldn’t have a talk that I was looking forward to have. And today, after a decision taken, I really regret that the love and support of my parents is misunderstood. Age has nothing to do with how mature you are or not. I’ve known men that are in their 35s and still act like kids. I’ve know men close to their 30s and still act like teenagers. And I’ve known young men, that in their 22s they have more clear their feelings and their needs than any grown up men. Women… they might be the same.

Lately I did wonder how come so many good women my age are still alone. How come I’m also not valued or appreciated by who I am. How come we are so good that we are overqualified for a regular man? In a world that is busy selling the idea that you matter to you, and that you should care only about you, you YOU! Of course it is easy to understand this irony. To really love and be with a person demands a lot from each side. Few men give a step ahead and decide to commit. And I don’t mean marriage necessarily, but commit to love the other. This also involves an action to master your feelings, to be a solution seeker, not an excuse or obstacle maker. Respect and honesty are in the middle. The moment this is lost, there is no turn back.
I have one of the best relationships ever, but it is not with a man. It is with God. He (for me is a He) takes me in his arms and always forgives my faults, always listens, always teaches me… always willing to love me and to surprise me. I felt in love with him long ago, and His love has been serious and with time it has grown into a more solid love. I no longer have to wait for sparks and butterflies to know that I love Him or not. I just know and I try to give Him at least a part of all what He gives me. This is the love I would like to give a man; this is how He has taught me to love. Growing each day, not holding my feelings or measuring how much should I give, loosing every fear and living the joy of life. This may be hard for others to understand, mainly when they refuse to grow. Yes it is easy to remain and think like a child. The best excuse to never commit, to never take responsibilities…

A new path is given, no more doubts and question marks. I’m a child in His hands, for I always need His advice and guidance. A new year, a new semester…. A new project, a new roommate, new friends (not just casualties), new days. Everything renews when I’m around Him. Ready for the new adventures and ready to keep on loving.